February 3, 2004
Short, Brutish and Nasty
If you didn't check out the
the other day, here's the executive summary of the adult male's life:
- Mid-February: Wake up alone in a cold, dark room. Spend a week or
so chewing on frozen bits of grass seeds left over from the summer
- March: Romp around in the early spring snow. Get in several fights
with other males over frozen bits of seeds and life in general.
- Later March and April: Try to find some romance. (Keep in mind that gopher gals
are generally mean and nasty critters who only get "in the
mood" for a couple of hours one afternoon in early spring.)
- May and June: Pig out as much as possible. Don't forget to store
up a bunch of seeds for the winter.
- July: Retire underground, remaining in a state
of torpor, interrupted by short bouts of wakefulness, leaving the world
above-ground in charge of the youngsters, who won't go to sleep clear
till Fall. The little varmints are hoping to build up enough strength
to kick your a*s, take your seeds, and steal the hottest babes when
next February rolls around.