I always get confused over how to set up the Hanukkah candles, so as usual I tracked down the local rabbi.
"Look, you big dumb Swede", he said, "like I tell you every year, I'm a priest, not a rabbi! And you're neither Jewish nor Catholic. Anyway, it's 'load to the left, light to the right'. Schlemiel."
I never did believe his name is Murphy...